I'm only human
by Emrys102
Summary: Merlin has had enough of Arthur's behaviour towards him after Gwen's banishment and he finally snaps.


**A/N: This oneshot was inspired by a Merlin fanvid that I watched "[merlin emrys] human". This is also the first fanfiction that I have written so I hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or the song Human.**

It had only been a few weeks since Arthur had banished Gwen from Camelot and he was still hurting from what she did, not that he'd admit it to anyone.

Merlin had tried his best to help Arthur through it but all he got for his efforts was a mouthful of abuse, usually being told to shut up and go away, he'd even been threatened with banishment. He knew that Arthur was hurting but it still didn't make his words hurt any less. Sure he heard them almost everyday but he knew that Arthur never really meant the insults. Now though he wasn't so sure.

It was the end of another training session, Merlin being used a punching bag because he'd said or did something that Arthur didn't like. Normally he was fine with that but today was not a good day to begin with. First of all it was the anniversary of Freya's death. It was always hard for him this time of year but when he thought about how much he missed her, he couldn't help but think of how much he missed having Gwen around. After all she was the first friend he had made in Camelot.

Then when he thought about how much he'd missed Gwen, his mind drifted to all the others he'd lost and missed terribly. Will, his Father and of course Lancelot. Lancelot was especially hard to think about at this moment because he then became angry. Angry at Morgana for ripping his friend from Avalon for her own twisted gain. Angry at how Lancelot's honourable reputation was now tainted because of something that he couldn't control.

But mostly Merlin was just angry at himself for not noticing that he was a shade sooner. Maybe he could have stopped all of it from happening.

Merlin was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't realised he'd started crying until he felt Gwaine's hand on his shoulder. "You alright mate?" Merlin looked at him confused until he realised what Gwaine was talking about and he furiously wiped his tears away.

He sniffed "Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." Merlin made to get up and put the practice swords away.

Arthur scoffed "Ever the dramatic girl aren't you Merlin?" The words were perhaps spoken with a little more malice than intended, even the knights were a little taken aback, but Merlin didn't care this time. That was it. Merlin threw down the swords he was carrying and turned to face Arthur.

"You know I'm only human Arthur." Merlin yelled. He'd had enough of Arthurs cruel remarks and him not giving a dam about Merlin's feelings for once in his arrogant life.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Arthur retorted.

"You're not the only one who has lost people you know. I miss Gwen too. She was my friend too. But of course you'd never give a dam about that. Its always 'Arthur this' and 'Arthur that-"

"Merlin-" Arthur's tone was low and voiced that it wouldn't be wise for Merlin to continue but Merlin sure wasn't finished. He would not get pushed aside again.

"No Arthur! I have had to bite my tongue and wait while you continue to treat me like dirt. Do you know how hard it is to continuously fake a smile? Force a laugh? Do you?" Arthur said nothing, just stared at Merlin with an unreadable expression.

"I can turn it on so easily you know." Merlin chuckled dryly "I'm like a machine. I have to dance and play this part of the idiotic servant because that's what you need of me. But I'm not an idiot Arthur. No no no I'm far from that. I've lost more than you could possibly know but I can't talk to you about it because I have to bear the weight of all your problems because that's what you need. And it's not like I can't do it, because I sure can. I have been doing it for the past five years. But I can only take so much. So yes I sometimes I need to cry like a, 'dramatic girl' , as you put it because guess what Arthur?"

Merlin threw his arms out in exasperation as he shouted "I'm only human! I know you're hurting right now but all of your insults and petty remarks sure don't help."

Merlin sighed "I have given you everything I have Arthur." All the anger had gone from his voice, now all that was left was an immense sadness "So you don't get to call me a girl for crying because you could not even begin to understand what I have lost for you."

With that Merlin took off towards the castle without looking back. Unaware of the tears forming in a guilty king's eyes and unable to hear the words "I'm sorry."


End file.
